Have you ever read something that made you want to completely change for the better? I have, LOTS of times. It usually boils down to a person who has experienced something tragic, who has suffered on a level we can only imagine, writing about how they have conquered the impossible. We all say it. “I could never handle that”… but then that is what they have said at one point too, isn’t it?
I want you to meet Ginny.
Ginny is one of those people. Her husband passed away in a plane crash about 2 1/2 years ago, leaving Ginny and their two baby girls behind. I knew I wanted to spotlight her when Jill told me about her and I saw her BLOG. I was a little nervous meeting her, knowing that I was asking her to share her story with us on the blog and that is NOT an easy thing to do. Asking someone to re-open and talk about something so life-altering doesn’t sound like an easy task. BUT, I loved her right away. She was comfortable, hilarious, and I LOVED being around her and watching her with her girls. More than anything though, I loved how confident of a person she is. I will never forget when she said that she “wasn’t afraid of anything anymore.” And we even have a picture to prove it…
Ginny tells her story:
“Growing up, I had my life completely planned out. What I wanted was simple. I wanted to go to school for something I loved (as soon as I figured out just exactly what that was 
). I wanted to find and marry my best friend. I wanted a happy husband with a fulfilling career. I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom to our three perfect babies. And that’s pretty much it. Everything else would just be bonus. I was certain that careful planning, and sensible decision making would get me everything I wanted.
Ben and I met in 2003. Almost immediately I knew he was unlike anyone I had met before. He easily became my best friend. I felt so blessed and lucky to find him. My life made so much more sense with him in it. Marrying Ben (in May, 2004) is by far one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
Fast forward to October 2009… We were well on our way to Happily Ever After. Ben had achieved a life goal of becoming a pilot, and he loved it. We had two beautiful girls, with talks of adding one more. He told me he’d be back before dinner as he left for work one day. But instead hours passed, news reports began, and an unwanted messenger gently knocked on my door.
Suddenly that ideal picture in my head could never be. Somewhere along the way I had unknowingly wrapped everything I wanted for this life up into another person. And yet he was so easily taken from me (from the three of us). There was nothing I could do to fix it. The truth is, I didn’t know who I was without him. I felt small and insignificant. I just wanted to disappear. There aren’t words enough to describe what grief is like. There were so many difficult, unexpected emotions to sort through. Grief forced me to slow down. It forced me to look at who I really was, and I didn’t like what I saw.
But luckily I had two very sweet reasons to keep trying. Our girls deserved a fully functioning, well-adjusted mother. Very early on I knew that I had choices to make, and I knew exactly what I didn’t want to be. I didn’t want to be bitter, or angry, or victimized. “What if?” and “Why?” questions felt so useless and unproductive. Even if I could find their answers, my reality remained the same. In all the chaos, I saw so much room for growth. I wanted to grow into something more. I’ve heard it said that rock-bottom is a firm foundation. And so I decided to view this awful, ugly experience as a class; as if I had been enrolled in some advanced crash-course on Life. I wasn’t going to hide from it, or even try to pretend that things were okay. I was going to let it all pass through me, hopeful that I would come out on the other side better than I was before.
My deepest regret was being such an idealist. There had been times when I was consumed with wanting more (wanting him to be done with school, wanting to move into a nicer home, or away from Utah); like I was waiting for the rest of our lives to start. I would reflect on simpler times, knowing I didn’t appreciated how sweet our life had been. Life was never designed to be perfect. I may not have had every material thing I wanted, but I did have Ben, and that was priceless. I should have embraced those moments more fully.
I’ve been slowly building myself up from ground zero. Where I am right now is such a better place to be. I feel myself growing into more of what I’ve always intended to be. My love and gratitude for Ben has only grown stronger. He still plays an active roll in my life, and I love when I get little glimpses of that. A good friend once told me, “It’s a shame that something has to happen to us physically, so that we can learn something spiritually.”
She was right. The recent years have altered my perspective in ways nothing else could. I’m learning to appreciate life more. I worry so much less. I’ve realize just how little I have control over. This moment is all that matters. It has become easier to find the silver lining in any difficult situation. It has become easier to laugh. This life is too short to be taken so seriously. I even have a new picture in my head; a new list of goals to work toward, but they don’t have to happen exactly as I’ve planned. For now, few things are certain. One of my main goals for this life, is to be the mother our girls deserve. I need to help help them have a genuine understanding of just how much they are loved, and looked after by their Daddy. I will never speak of his love for us in the past tense. That kind of love never goes away, and understanding that brings me such comfort.
And so here I am, 2 1/2 years later. I’m still very much a work in progress. I’ve come to realize that the grief I’ve gone through, will always be a part of me. But it won’t be the biggest part. It shouldn’t be. I was made to be happy. There will be far more happy moments than sad.”
xo
Ginny was visiting Utah last month from Boston and we snagged her for a photoshoot with her girls…
can you believe those eyes?
love their personalities… how priceless!
Ginny you are gorgeous.
Poor Ginny…I made her jump like 10 times. But look how cute she looks??
Thank you so much Ginny for sharing with us. We LOVE you!
